Dear Smoking Student Body

the_red_chimp · Post by **the_red_chimp** » September 16, 2004, 2:03 pm

I would request that you refrain from smoking while walking around campus. I have no problem with you smoking the designated "smoking areas" outside of every dormitory, however I feel that it is unfair, at best, for you to share your poisoned, polluted, and stinky air with me. I know you're just being generous, but I'd appreciate it if you would keep all the carcinogens to yourself, effective immediately.

There's nothing I dislike more than walking across campus, paying no real attention to anyone, and getting a billowing cloud of your recycled "air" (which at this point really ceases to be air) rolls into my face. Not only does this air smell like a New Jersey Denny's, but it gives me a coughing fit, likely due to the toxins you exhale so nonchalantly. In fact, the next time one of you does this, I am going to rip your cigarette out of your hand and put it out on your retina.

Most of you seem to have this misguided notion that smoking, especially around campus, makes you appear cool and social. I understand that smoking can result in meeting pretty girls, but you must realize that more likely than not that pretty girl will be a gaunt cancerous skeleton in 50 years, which while matching your grotesque mouth tumor really isn't that attractive. Not to mention the process she's going to go through to even get to that stage. It's very likely she'll spend entirely too much time in a tanning bed also, resulting in her once overlotioned skin to turn to leather. Her teeth will turn yellow and when she kisses you you will taste death. Becaus death is there. You might not notice it because you too are quickly approaching death by inhaling that garbage, but it's there. Actually, that seems like a fitting punishment for putting me in harm's way everytime you light and up and carelessly blow a puff of fluffy grey into the air.

Perhaps you just need that smoke to help you relax as you walk to your next "oh, so stressful" class, Remedial Math. I however, find nothing relaxing about trying to dodge smokers on a busy sidewalk. You might not be that happy about it, but you're opinion stopped mattering after the you took that last puff of your fag and blew the smoke in my face.

I have no idea what you think makes smoking a good idea, maybe it's the giant spectre of death constantly looming over you, taunnting you with the possibility of 15 different kinds of cancer, or maybe it's just that it was the only way you could fit in back home. Not so in a university environment, my remedial friend! We have dozens of fraternities you can join who will accept you solely on the basis of your clothing and how little you can comprehend! What a joy it must be to know that now you can quit smoking and still be accepted, even still hooking up with pretty women who have other destructive habits. Yes, you'll be consuming massive amounts of alcohol, but done correctly (in a frat house), I believe it's personally acceptable. This isn't because I condone drinking or think it to be less of a vice than smoking, because quite frankly, I don't care. No no, this is because when you're drinking you're only messing up your liver, not mine as well.

"But, I can't quit!" might be your battlecry at this point. I advise differently. I can point you in the direction of many nicotine substitutes, if you really have no willpower. Get over it. You picked up a vice that's killing you, and me along with it, and it's time to stop. If you don't have the willpower to quit on your own, even using nicotine substitutes, there is only one other option. I will follow you around campus and punch you in the face everytime you attempt to pull a cigarette from your pack. Eventually, you'll be trained enough to harm yourself when you reach for your cigarette, that I won't be needed. I realize that you might underestimate your highly toned muscles (from years of high school football) and cause a great deal of harm to yourself. This is fine. I don't expect you all to survive this cleansing, but after what you've put me through, do you really think you all deserve to? Of course not.

All of this "Smoker's Rights" nonsense you're spouting at this point, is bologna (that's pronounced baloney, for those of you with an 8th grade reading level). When you smoke you are harming my body. This is assault. Even the nicest judge would put you away as a felony for 10 cases of assault. As I see it, you're a walking convict. If you are a smoker who only smokes by him or herself or only with other smokers, then consider yourself off the hook. The rest of you, however, are not so lucky. Not only am I tired of you blowing smoke in my face on campus, but I'm also tired of sitting down in any restaurant in this town and having some half retarded ape in the smoking section do his best to blow smoke into the "clean" air in the non-smoking section.

In closing, I know most of you do not like being told what I have told you. To you I must say "too bad." Far too long have you poisoned my otherwise healthy lungs with your secondhand smoke. You are a thorn in humanity's side, causing only irritation and promoting no general good. I'll leave you with an analogy: Smoking is the byproduct of your vice. My vice happens to pee the consumption of too much soda. This hurts no one but myself. However, your smoke pollutes my air without my permission (Don't bother asking, you won't get it). How would you like it if I stood on a table in the dining hall whenever I had to pee and sprinkled down showers of urine all over your food and clothing without your permission? It's a very distinct possibility if you don't cease and desist immediately. Thank you.

-Matt

Post by **Paco103** » September 16, 2004, 3:34 pm

Ha ha ha. . . Amen

I may think some of your points were a little extreme - however the overall concept and some of the analagies were hilarious and also backed up the point you were making. Luckily I'm a non-smoker - so make sure you stay a non-pee'er on my dinner table

Sam · Post by **Sam** » September 16, 2004, 4:11 pm

I would like to walk into Strong without having to hold my breath.

Celtic Samurai · Post by **Celtic Samurai** » September 16, 2004, 7:20 pm

I'll be sure to blow my cigar smoke directly into your mouth.

the_red_chimp · Post by **the_red_chimp** » September 16, 2004, 7:34 pm

And I'll be sure to hit you in the face with a trout.

Sam · Post by **Sam** » September 16, 2004, 8:06 pm

Bastard...No shirt for you! Hehe, um, jut kidding, er.

solid_dave · Post by **solid_dave** » September 16, 2004, 11:08 pm

I hate whiny people, hey Celt, next time we bowl, I'll stop by the Humidor and get a couple of Fat Cohibas and we'll smoke and have a big ole time.... and probably get kicked out of the ally.

Well, as for my two cents, I'd like to point out that ALL the findings on second hand smoke go back to one government study that ended up being thrown out and deemed wrong... the study was done in a baised unsceintific manner. (s'true, look it up)

That being said... I know that smoke is irritating, ya know what else is, people that FUCKING whine about petty shit. OH, I breathed in some smoke... OH POOR FUCKING ME... it's terrible, I know, every once in a while I smoke I nice cigar, but I don't smoke cigarettes... I never got it, really... but past that, I've worked in more smokey bars that you can throw an ashtray at, and my lungs don't hurt and I breathe fine.

There are real things on this campus that deserve attention, that's the reason that NO ONE cares about you half mile rant about smokers. There's predjudice, we need a new president, it's PAW week, tuition hikes, idiots that WALK ON THE BIKE PATH... people too busy on there cell phones to get the fuck out of my way.. ETC..

Smoking is old hat dammit... get with the program...

Here, let me get you some

Cheese with yer wine...

the_red_chimp · Post by **the_red_chimp** » September 17, 2004, 8:17 am

Ahahaha, cheese with whine! Ahaha! You're both too original!

Celtic Samurai · Post by **Celtic Samurai** » September 17, 2004, 3:56 pm

the_red_chimp wrote:

Frank Castle · Post by **Frank Castle** » September 17, 2004, 4:43 pm

Celtic Samurai wrote:
the_red_chimp wrote:

solid_dave · Post by **solid_dave** » September 18, 2004, 1:46 pm

do you really wanna start talking about all the screwed up chemicals that are in food... I could give you some that would blow your mind.... chemicals mean nothing, everything has a chemical equivalent... there are traces of things like that in everything...

people bitch about smokers after they eat pizza or cheese cake. Second hand smoke isn't killing people, what we're eating is.

Either way, I don't care, I like smoke, I like fat, I wish there as a synthesis of the two that I could smoke and get fatter...

YUM FUCKIN YUM

HatePirate · Post by **HatePirate** » September 19, 2004, 3:21 am

This thread is probably one of the most pathetic I've seen. You go on a big rant about second hand smoke. Then, when people call you a little bitch, you threaten with physical violence. Do you honestly expect people to take you seriously when you whine about second hand smoke affecting you OUT SIDE?! If you leave your car running in the garage it'll fucking kill you. You can sit in a room with five smokers inhaling away and, granted you *may* get cancer, it's not going to kill you. If you're going to argue about people introducing harmful chemicals into the air, there are many more places to start than smoking.

Ahem...I hate it when people fart. It's rank, and I find it disgusting... I hate it when people fart in front of me on the sidewalk. If you inhaled enough farts, I bet it might affect your health... So please, stop farting in public.

If you're still convinced second-hand smoke will give you cancer, try not to look at it in such a bad way. It'll take off what? About 10 years of your life. Maybe. It's the 10 worst years anyway. You'll be 90 with a colostomy bag and an uncontrollable bladder, eating nothing but jello, and watching reruns of Matlock Jr. or some shitty show for old people. And you'll think to yourself, "Dammit. I wished I had inhaled more cigarette smoke back in college."

Oh, and if anyone here think of writing something like:
"OMG!!!11! U R L1k3 sO EvIl!! CaNCer Is s0 BaD, I hOp3 U GeT IT soMedAy!!!11!!1!!!"
Don't waste your time typing...it'll only make your arthritis worse when your miserably old.

the_red_chimp · Post by **the_red_chimp** » September 19, 2004, 4:08 pm

I sorta said I would rip the cigarette out of their hand and put it out on the retina. You're all obviously way too cool to pay attention to someone else. Here's hoping you get broadsided!

paula · Post by **paula** » September 19, 2004, 6:08 pm

Regarding the statement about second-hand smoke not being harmful, I beg to differ.

One of my professor's mother-in-law was a chain smoker who died of lung cancer. Like a week after she died her husband, who had spent their entire marriage trying to get her to quit was, you guessed it, diagnosed with lung cancer. A man who never smoke. So if second-hand smoke isn't dangerous, then I wonder how he got lung cancer.

While I don't think we should be threatening anyone with physical violence, even when I am OUTSIDE and people are smoking around me, it does irritate me. It makes my eyes water and sometimes makes me cough, and if I'm walking behind them long enough my hair and clothes could acquire the smell of the smoke, which bothers me. Don't tell me "Oh, well walk around the smokers" because sometimes I can't - believe me, if I can I do.

ColorOfSakura · Post by **ColorOfSakura** » September 19, 2004, 9:45 pm

It's funny how one of your fellow board members comes in here with a satirical rant and you get bitchy.

I'm not saying that chimp wasn't being whiny. But you guys are really taking this out of hand. But the fact is - the whole "I'll rip it out of your hand and put it out in your retina." is WAAAAY too sarcastic to be taken seriously. If you took such sentence seriously - please walk yourself into the nearest spot of rush hour traffic, thank you. (see! I made a joke too! HAHAHA!)

You guys really need to get a grip on this. It was a rant about second hand smoke. But guess what - Ranting is Whining. No matter what. If you WANT to get technical, the "GO ROMAN" T-Shirts are a giant "FUCK YOU." to Frats and Sororities. So it's perfectly acceptable to make fun of a group you completely don't have any part in, but when someone steps on one of YOUR toes, you freak out and cry foul. Don't dish it out, if you aren't willing to take it. This goes to everyone, myself included. I make fun of certain groups myself, but when someone calls me a "fucking faggot", I don't get all huffy and go crying to someone because I got called a name. I deal with the fact that some people have differing opinions, and while RUDE, I can't do anything about it. I'm not about to go beat the piss out of someone for calling me a queer. And just to let people realize how silly this comment is:

I'll be sure to blow my cigar smoke directly into your mouth.

Here's MY rendition of it:

The next time someone makes fun of me for being gay - I'll make sure to rub my crotch all over their face! ROFFLE WAFFLE!

seriously folks, you guys are way too intelligent to be getting into it over this.

Celtic Samurai · Post by **Celtic Samurai** » September 20, 2004, 10:53 am

I THREATEN ALL OF YOU WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE! MUAHAHAHAHA!

the_red_chimp · Post by **the_red_chimp** » September 20, 2004, 12:29 pm

Yeah, I'm scared.

alien8ed · Post by **alien8ed** » September 20, 2004, 1:21 pm

Ok...so this post was entirely to long to read the entire thing...but I'm going to make some comments anyway. If these have already been mentioned, or whatever, who cares.

Ok...number 1. There is a big difference between being subjected to second hand smoke and eating pizza. The difference is that I can choose whether to eat pizza, and I can't always choose to not walk behind a smoker.

Number 2. This is more of a "something to think about" point than anything. I've struggled with this myself...now I'll throw it out to you all. Society in America is based on 2 things. The first of which is freedom, the second of which is order. While, at the root, it may seem like these things are contradictory in nature I would argue that they in fact, need each other. This smoking this is a good example. I first started pondering this when they eliminated the smoking area out of the student union, and later when they outlawed smoking in most rest. in Springfield.

Tobacco is legal. And thus, people have a right (a freedom) to do it if they please. So it could be suggested that eliminating a smokers right to smoke eliminates their freedom. However, non-smokers also have a right (a freedom) to breath clean air in public. So engaging order (that is, eliminating a smokers right to smoke in a particular place) eliminates one freedom (the smokers) but establishes another freedom (the non-smokers). So what we really have is a conflict of freedom and order. Whose freedom most deserves to be protected? Personally I would say that I should have the right to walk down the side walk without the fear of unnecessary health risks. However I certainly see that there is a valid opinion on the other side as well.

As for most of this chatter. I think that saying that second hand smoke is not harmful is nonsensical. I think that likening it to eat pizza is nonsensical. And I think that most rational people would agree, if not now, then with a little research and some careful thinking. So those parts of the argument I'll ignore.

More later
=8=

solid_dave · Post by **solid_dave** » September 20, 2004, 2:20 pm

My responses aren't to be taken as "this is why second hand smoke isn't bad" or "this is why fucked up chemicals are in everything" . It's supposed to be about people whining... and if I went on a rant about everything that mildly irritated me, this bored would be a million posts long.

I know that smokin's bad, Mkay, I know that second-hand smoke is bad too, M'kay, but if one of you come up with cancer and you win a court case that says second hand smoke did it, I'll eat the asshole out of a goat. I don't wanna hear "my friends knew this guy" or "my cousins step sister" kinda stuff, tell me YOUR dying from cancer, and you can prove it.... What I'm getting at is second-hand smoke is a irritation, but in the long run, the 99 cent Whoppers we shove down our gullet at lunch is more likely to kill us that standing right in front of Celtic with a fat Cohiba and inhaling the smoke that he blows in your face.

Don't bitch at smokers and put them on a guilt trip because there addicted to nicotine... they're not killing you, I'll bet the amount of radiation people get from the sun everyday is more likely to give you skin cancer than that mild irritation you feel in your eyes as you sprint past the smoking ghetto... you chose your own poison every day. And I sincerly doubt it's second hand smoke.

BeerMePRN · Post by **BeerMePRN** » September 20, 2004, 10:14 pm

i've grown up around second-hand smoke. i seem to still be kickin,' though i doubt my lung capacity is at what it should be at. regardless, other peoples' smoking doesn't bother me until someone does something ignorant, stupid, or repeatedly rude.

i.e., on the road, not much else pisses me off more than someone's emaciated, half-lit cigarette being flung from an open window to my moving vehicle [or forehead, for that matter. and yea, that's happened, too].

alien8ed · Post by **alien8ed** » September 21, 2004, 9:34 am

Yeah I agree. I ability to voice your opinions freely is a right that we often overlook...probably because we're so used to it. Of course the flip side is that solid_dave has as much of a right to voice his opinion ABOUT someone elses opinion. No one's really trying to keep chimpy from voicing his opinion...I don't know...it's an interesting situation.

Anyway, that said, I DO think that there is a difference between whining and voicing legitimate educated opinions. I thought the original post was a bit of a combination of the two. There were a lot of good points mentioned... I'm not sure if we needed the 4 page diatribe, and threating to put something out in someone's retina is a little silly...but I'm guessing that was how it was intended.

You know the thing that I've noticed about bearnotes since Truby has been gone? All of the opinions here are mostly well thought out, and well articulated. I think requesting that one of us prove that we're dying because of 2nd hand smoke is a little silly because...on average we're what? 20 years old? We could smoke 8 packs a day and not be dying yet. That doesn't mean it hasn't killed people, or injured them in someway...but that's beyond the point.

Anyway...kudos to everyone who posted...this actually turned into a good thread.

=8=

Celtic Samurai · Post by **Celtic Samurai** » September 21, 2004, 10:31 am

GypsySpazz wrote:There seems to be a theme, not only on BearNotes but in society as a whole, where someone voicing their opinion is considered to be whining.

Because 9 times out of 10, it's true.

And a little cancer never hurt anybody. Pussies.

Celtic Samurai · Post by **Celtic Samurai** » September 23, 2004, 10:35 am

GypsySpazz wrote:
Celtic Samurai wrote:And a little cancer never hurt anybody.
Except my wife, who went through three surgeries to remove cancer from her ovaries, and recently underwent an additional surgery to remove lumps from her breasts.

Way to kill the joke, Chuckles.

Sheesh, it's like when you bust out a good "yo momma" joke and someone says "my mon's dead". Cue hilarity.