Panda

[Chreteau]

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to leave, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

[the_red_chimp]

"chutes"

[Chreteau]

"chutes"

Why aren't you at home?

[the_red_chimp]

I'm leaving sometime this afternoon. You're welcome to join me if you're going to be lonely the whole break.

[Chreteau]

Thanks, but I get to work through Saturday. 'Sides, home for me is 5,000 miles away.

Funny thing last night with a security officer:

"Do you have a building pass?"

"Probably."

"How did you get in here?"

"Same way you did."

"Do you think you're funny?"

"Do you think you're scary?"

"Are you staff?"

"No, I just break into offices to do other people's work for them."

"You need to show me some ID."

"Does a bus pass count?"

"Sir."

"Ma'am?"

"I'm calling the police."

"Ask them to bring a pizza, will you?"

So the remainder of the conversation went just as bad, and I continued to dig myself in deeper and deeper. The end result was I showed her my ID, the police came and went, chewed me out a little bit for not being forthcoming, and the security officer is probably staking out my car hoping I park illegally somewhere. They did call my boss at home, who vouched for me, then called me back after they left. He thought it was hillarious. Thank God, otherwise I'd be typing this from the unemployment office.

[Paco103]

"Do you have a building pass?"
"Probably."

You DID answer the question. They did NOT ask to SEE it!

"How did you get in here?"
"Same way you did."

Technically Yes. . . through the door!

"Are you staff?"
"No, I just break into offices to do other people's work for them."

Nice!

"You need to show me some ID."
"Does a bus pass count?"
"Sir."
"Ma'am?"

They Should be more specific


Kinda reminds me of last weekend when the fire alarms went off at 3:30AM in Wells. I found one of my friends, and asked her if she wanted to go sit in my truck with heat since it was cold. We sat out in my truck for an hour just talking and waiting for them to open the building, then went back in a little after everything was all cleared up.

I was dressed, she was wearing a bathrobe over PJ's.
SHE buzzed the door open with HER key. I walked in and asked if everything was clear now and he said yes.

I guess he assumed that I must be a legit resident since I knew there had been an alarm. He then turned to her, and asked her for ID. Now my thought was *Shouldn't he ask me for ID? I'm the one dressed. I'm the one that didn't buzz the door, which in my opinion is just as good as showing your ID*

As she pulled out her ID I said "Actually we always go around breaking into dorms in our PJ's." He gave me this dirty look, but c'mon. If he's going to ask the one that used her keycard and is in PJ's for ID, shouldn't he ask the guy that just walked in with her and is fully dressed? I realize it's his job - but let's just give this a thought shall we? Perhaps he recognized me - I've been there a couple of years now - but I just thought it was funny the way they decide who to card.

This small short girl in a bathrobe and PJ's looks mighty suspicious - but this 6'3, 270lb tackling dummy who has not shown ID *OR* buzzed a door seems harmless enough.


Gotta love security around this place.


Where do you work Chreteau?

[Chreteau]

Where do you work Chreteau?

In Cheek.

I watched that fire alarm at Wells the other night. I was on the phone, looking out the window, and didn't completely realize that an alarm was going off. I was just wondering why at 3:30 a.m. there were a ton of scantily dressed students wandering around outside. Thought maybe SMS had forgotten to spike the water with prozac that morning.

[Paco103]

Well, it wasn't as bad as 2 years ago when Freddy's went off at 3:00 am. It was November and raining that night. . . damn that was cold.

I swear in the suites the alarms aren't loud enough. I was sleeping right through the alarm until my room mate woke me up real politely and said "Do you want to leave? The fire alarm is going off!"

[Chreteau]

Feel your door. Unless you smell smoke and the door is warmer than normal, fuck the fire safety crap. Take the time to get dressed, grab a coat, maybe your wallet. Hell, hit the coffee machine on your way out the door.

I used to work in this place, they loved to have drills. Fire drills, blackout drills (how to put a black curtain over your window in under a minute, tough one). Every time they'd pull a fire drill, it always took me at least 15 minutes to get out the door. Couple times I didn't even bother to go, nobody noticed I was missing.

[the_red_chimp]

What is the purpose of a blackout drill?

[Chreteau]

What is the purpose of a blackout drill?

To prevent light from showing outside a building which in theory obscures visibility to passing satellites, hostile aircraft, etc. Nobody really does it anymore, although some buildings still maintain the drills.

In newer buildings they just build 'em without windows. Boeing's space and defense systems in Seal Beach has a few buildings of that sort. The Naval Weapons Station in Seal Beach just built them underground and planted grass over the top.

Stupid thing is, for all the effort, damn things are on a map. Everyone knows they're there.

[the_red_chimp]

I'm assuming this was effective circa 1950's red scare.

[Chreteau]

It wasn't even effective then. Thanks to spies, traitors and dirtbags, the enemy always knew where the best strategic targets were. Not to mention some facilities, like NSA at Ft. Meade, use more electricity than any other organization in the entire state of Maryland. Takes only a peek at electric bills to figure out where to aim a missle. Most of the security policies were window dressing then, same as they are now.

My favorite security feature is the man-trap.

To get into a building, you first have to enter the perimeter fence surrounding the campus. You walk up to a little shack, press a doorbell, security buzzes the door. You walk in to a very small room, and the door closes security behind you, locking you in.

You place your ID under the camera, where your face and ID are viewed by someone in a security room.

They then either buzz the other door and let you out the other side, or keep you there until security shows up to arrest you.

Never felt claustrophobic until the moment that door locked behind me.

[Paco103]

Feel your door. Unless you smell smoke and the door is warmer than normal, fuck the fire safety crap. Take the time to get dressed, grab a coat, maybe your wallet. Hell, hit the coffee machine on your way out the door.

Of course I got dressed. I also grabbed my wallet, and phone, and my car keys so I could sit in a warm truck. Then I grabbed a snack on the way. I remember what it was like the first time when I was just a stupid freshman (no offense, but we all take things more seriously when we're 'the new guy'). If I lived on the 5th floor I might care more, but being on the first floor, even if a fire does trap me in my room, it's only a 5 foot jump out the window.

She actually asked me "You sleep in your clothes?"
I was like "Well, not ALL of them, I got dressed first!"